“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child” - Shakespeare
I never thought it would happened
I lost my nerves.
It was just one of those days, when you feel the sky is below and the earth is above
Staring emptily in a dead hawk gaze
I couldn't believe everything has not conspired against me
Have I really been blessed?
I love music boxes; but when the song from a box from an ear range streamed the song “count your blessings”,
I gained the nerve to crush it.
I have lost some people this year
I had failed expectations
I lost contacts and contracts
I expected business to have moved a notch higher
I lost a fetus
I depended on some, was left down by many
I took a step of faith, but fate dealt with me silently,
I wore clothes many wished were not for my skin
Some months and days have grumbled over the next ones
Some have been happily wished away
Some have wished they could stay for ever
I have been wandering in wonder lands
I have walked the desert like the magi
Feet soaked in the blood of the desert
Trekking like the missionary and with a long wand and robe I long to decipher the codes of “womanity”
I have cooked the best dishes
And also turned over the ones that tasted like dust
I have been involved
I had worn shoes
I didn't get lucky with,
I have heard haunted cries
I have seen the decays of dead bodies
I have seen the hollows of the dead and their anger at being crushed too early by people who they allowed to be their head
Their dead stench had risen to heaven with a sore grievance
I have seen their roasted bodies decompose with disgruntled contempt
And their burnt ashes smelled promises of a revenge.
I witnessed an accident
I was told about many of such
I was told a gory tale of rape where the shreds of her breadth were ripped with bare hands.
I shared the story of a mother
Whose daily dependence is on the assaults she endured to satisfy her demented society.
Do you remember that news in the far away land of tons of women shot down for some aghast beliefs against the patriarchy
I remember and yesterday I understood their blank stares and their tear dry complexion .
In remembrance of all things that has happened to me and the ones that has affected me I just could not comprehend why “counting blessing” is needed
A tiny thought escaped the abyss of my reverie
What if I did not have the nerve to experience all these
If I could remember all that had happened, that is indeed a blessing
A counted - disguised –blessings;
Am I grateful for lost nerves
Could be paying more for a damaged one
So in all I want to count my blessings
...starting from that first one that happened a long time ago
I still remember how glad I was when I got the news
am I grateful to God?
for lost nerves
and the nerves to find it.
Are you grateful?
Photo credit: betweenuandme.com